Alannah Hill, barrister

Junior Junior is not a lesbian ... She wears pink heels and still wins in the traffic court ... Two types of women barristers ... Both lethal 

I'VE been at the bar for a while now and while the types of male barristers are easily discernable, it took me a little longer to suss out the women. 

I have now decided that there are only two types: the Tough Mudders and the Alannah Hills.

The Tough Mudders are hard-line ball-breaking types - often feminist, sometimes lesbians, and always of the view that there is nothing a man can do that a women cannot do better. 

They tend to be snappy dressers in the usual uniform of black suits and standard blouses.

They are often described as "hard arse bitches" by their opponents and "excellent operators" by their clients.

The Alannah Hills are defined as such by their choice of clothing. 

They appear cute and sweet and are often underestimated by their opponents. 

Don't let the frills fool you - if you cross them they will turn your scrotum into a purse for their spring-summer accessorising.

They are charming and efficient with a side of pink high heel.

Admittedly, a few lady barristers take a leaf out of each book, but most can be slotted into either of these two broad categories. 

Me? ... I am an Alannah Hill.

Early on I appeared at a hearing in the Local Court.

When I arrived my opposing solicitor asked if my barrister was coming. I politely told him that I was the barrister and that my solicitor was the gentleman with me.

He advised that he would let his barrister know that he wasn't needed.

It gets better.

He came back and said, in front of my client, that we had to adjourn the hearing as he needed to get another witness.

I said NO, whereupon he burst into a tirade about how he was being so reasonable with me and I was being pig-headed. 

His adjournment application was downed and despite my defendant client admitting he hit the plaintiff's vehicle in the rear, I managed to get a verdict in our favour.

My opponent stormed out of the courtroom without a word.

A week later he was on the phone booking me for a hearing.

Never underestimate a lady barrister ... even ones in pink heels.